Step 1

[Leadfoot]

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanageable.

[mcgowdog]

Our most solid step. It's said to be our foundation...

Does the cement in our foundation have the right amount of mortar? Sand?

When I came back to my group "this last time", no 12 stepping by the group was necessary. They already knew I was an A.A. "prospect".

Prospect; looking forward, showing foresight, expected

But they still had to ask those two questions that my groups asks of prospects or people new to the group; Do you have a problem with booze? Do you want to do something about it? or Do you want to quit for good and all?

Jim and Rob and perhaps some of you other folks out there may have heard of a guy named Joe Hawk (God rest his soul). I met him at an A.A. FOTS convention in about July 29th, 30th, 31st of 1997. He and I were getting into a heated debate about the 1st Step. Joe was saying that the 1st Step meant that "I will drink again". For some reason, that pissed me off to no end. I thought we were going to duke it out over the "difference in perspective". He was right! Ha! I had no idea who he was, either. Had Mark H told me the same thing, I may have bought it. Weird.

[Leadfoot]

Well, it took me long enough. I specialize in self justification.
How many times did I take the first drink with good intentions?
Well, I'll tell ya. It's exactly equal to the times I failed.
Somewhere in the late 70s I took my first "Real drink".
That means it's something other than a sip of Dads beer as a child.
From the get go my drinking was different than other people. Most other people that is. Seems Alcoholics tend to flock with other Alcoholics. Therefore a few of my friends drank like I did, but most didn't.
I even offered a friend a beer back in High School.
The Idiot said "No Thanks, I'm not thirsty" if you can believe that.
The truth never did rear it's ugly head until later in life. I guess my delusion got the best of me. Even at the time the warning signs were there. I'm not going to type out my drunkalog if you were wondering. Trust me when I say the warnings were right up in my face and I looked around and through them. Remember the part about self justification? That's the beauty of AA. When I stand up and say "I'm Karl and I'm an Alcoholic" anyone else that's an Alcoholic already knows my story. I spare them the unnecessary details.
By saying "I'm an Alcoholic" I've taken Step 1.
Just kidding. By "Admitting" I'm an Alcoholic we get a little closer to the truth.
What does "Unmanagable mean? Hell, I was managable. I held a job, owned a home and had my proverbial 2.2 kids and a couple of dogs too. I even managed to stay married for several years.
One small exception. I think "Unmanagable" means that I wasn't the "Manager"
My "Manager" came in a bottle.
My "Manager" dictated my every move.
My Domestic Bliss went like this.
My job was a place to get away from the house. My kids were an irritant and I couldn't stand my wife. On a daily basis I would grab my drink and go hide in the garage or basement. Far away from everything else that got in the way of my drinking and solitude. Oops, I blew it again and said "solitude". How about "Isolation" instead. That's closer to the truth.
Seems an Alcoholic can be lonley in a crowd of thousands.
So there I was. Well on my way to being a lonley crotchety old bastard
who hated his family for daring to up and leave.
What were they thinking?